Learning to love myself

Beautiful Soul,

I've always cried easily.

My family used to tease me because I was always brought to tears when people won on the game shows we watched.

Emotion. Not only mine. I feel it so deeply.

It's curious. I would cry when they jumped up and down on tv. And I could barely ask for what I really wanted because I would get so choked up. But give me some screaming, yelling, family drama and I was the one who could always keep her cool.

In my 20's I cried in a job interview. I cried when my friends got married. I cried my way through so many movies. I cried at death. And I cried at life. I cried in my therapist's office. And I cried when others told their stories too.

And I apologized, a lot. Because it made people uncomfortable, all those tears. I'm sure it looked like I was suffering and we hate to see someone suffering. And I was, suffering. It was so hard, gut wrenching in fact, to try so hard to hold those tears back, and always fail.

I didn't want to be the one who always cried. The one who people felt sorry for. Who everyone thought was soooo sensitive. Who had too much grief. Who had blocks she wasn't clearing. Who was trying to get attention.

Who felt strong on the inside but was perceived as weak or damaged from the outside.

Then one day something in me relaxed a little. And I realized that I was worth loving...just as I am. And that my tears are simply a way that I express the power of love. And I stopped apologizing. And started showing the strength through the tears.

Of course it took more than a day. And I had help in the process from people who were willing to look through the tears, at me. Which was excruciating. But needed. And healing.

It still happens. When something is important to me, tears well up in my eyes. But now I don't feel bad about it. I love my tender heart.

How about you? What have you learned to love in yourself?