A Journey with Back Pain: Part 2- Why I love “Talking Back”

Beautiful Soul,

In part 1 of of this story (posted last week), I told you about that back injury I sustained when I was 20 and how that has inspired me to share about back health this month. I even did my last HeartBeats LIVE! on the topic. I called it, a little tongue in cheek, “Talking Back”.

If you didn’t get a chance to join me or to listen to the recording, get in touch and I’ll send you a link. You’ll get to hear me tell the story verbally AND I share some great tips for achieving and sustaining back and spine health. You can leave me a comment, or email me at leslie@yogaheartsong.com to get the link!

But I also want to say something else about "talking back". It's related to my experience with the back injury and with getting support from teachers and practitioners in general. I've found that too many service providers put their knowledge and opinions above what their clients know about themselves. And this is a problem.

Too many service providers put their knowledge and opinions
above what their clients know about themselves.

When my back hurt, I can't tell you how many yoga teachers, without really doing any kind of assessment, told me that I just needed to:

...do lunges, your psoas is tight.
...stop doing shoulder stand, you're doing it wrong and it's messing up your spine (I didn't even practice that pose regularly at the time, she just assumed..)
...strengthen your core, it's weak (even though every exercise they taught for "core strengthening" hurt so bad, I couldn't do them)
...relax. You're too tense, or too....whatever their particular judgement was.

I had doctors tell me that they couldn't find anything wrong so they couldn't help me - it often sounded a little more like I couldn't be helped...
Chiropractors told me I just needed to get adjusted every week to be healthy...
A Medical Intuitive gave me a whole litany of practices, mantras, meditations, mindset explorations, and tinctures that she assured me would help if I did them diligently (I was desperate so I did, they didn't)

I was told that I was holding grief, anger, resentment. That I was "holding myself back" and just needed to move forward, that I was stuck looking back at the past.

I even had a PT once who, believing his methods were so foolproof, told me that he was very concerned that I might have cancer since I wasn't responding "as I should be".

Now I definitely agree that as a practitioner I need to refer someone on if what I am able to offer isn't helping, but his surety that I wasn't responding because there was something really wrong with me, was so off. I knew I didn't have cancer....the back pain I had was a long time, chronic thing. I had been dealing with it for over 10 years at that point. I still went to my doctor for lab tests.

So what changed that finally did help? What happened that allowed for me, after 20 years of trying "everything" and still having pain, to now be over 15 years pain-free? Me. And my willingness to trust myself.

What changed? Me.

My fortitude in continuing to seek out information and support but to never give my power to someone else just because of their knowledge. My being open to the experts' advice while checking in with myself to see if there was resonance before trying it out. Talking back and asking questions. And being willing to move on when I didn't feel a connection.

I had to tap into inner solutions. I talked to my back. I learned to listen. And I exercised curiosity. I continued to try things, even when they hurt, but only IF I felt they would help - not because someone else said so, but because I could feel their efficacy. I had to be discerning and committed to what worked for me. And that took a lot of self love.

Pain has been a powerful teacher for me. In some ways I feel I was a slow learner - 20 years! But at the same time, the experience has given me so many tools for the other things that invariably come up in having a body! And I have a lot of insight to help my clients with. Who, by the way are always welcome to talk back to me. What they tell me is always the most powerful tool we both use to support healing.

I'd love to hear your stories of talking back. What has been the most helpful for you in navigating the world of seeking support and inner listening?