Bashing Gratitude

Beautiful Soul,

Last week was the Thanksgiving holiday in the US and while I had a lovely time with some new friends and with family, I was super aware of also feeling uneasy with "celebrating". I have so much to be grateful for in my life and I don't wait until the end of November to express it. I don't require a day to celebrate gratitude - it is a thread through all of my days.

Still, I appreciate that we have established a day to formally acknowledge thankfulness. And there is something really sweet about feeling like everyone around me is taking time to really savor all that life has to offer.

Of course, we all know that it isn't really like that under the surface.

All over the radio, on tv, in magzines, and other popular media there were, for weeks, stories and advice about how to get along with family. Caution about polarizing topics. Reminders about the importance of making connection with those one loves and of taking care of oneself since it’s so hard to do.

I am also painfully aware that while it may seem that everyone is grateful and celebrating on this feasting day - there are so very many people, right here in the US, who are not. For all kinds of reasons.

Many don't have access to food. Some don't have family or friends. There are those who are too ill. And those who just simply are struggling so hard just to survive that to feel generalized gratitude would be a huge stretch.

And then there were the very strident voices on social media bashing anyone who expressed a love of the holiday. Those who would gather and enjoy what so many couldn’t and on land that they have stolen were shamed for not knowing how wrong this was.

One rampant message that I was aware of from some seemed to be that Thanksgiving was no longer something to cherish but instead should be gotten rid of all together.

I was one of those people who grew up in the days of learning about the pilgrims and indians and the beautiful feast they shared to celebrate their coming together.

And I, along with so many others, am mortified as an adult to realize how devastating the arrival of those pilgrims actually was to the native people. I feel sad and overwhelmed many days about what my living on the land I live on means to the ancestors of those who came before me. Some who are those very neighbors who are living on the edges while I have it pretty damn easy.

But there I was celebrating Thanksgiving on a huge plot of land that "belonged" to the family who invited me. I was enjoying meeting new friends and reconnecting with family. We had more food on the table than we could possibly eat and absolutely more on our plates than any of us needed.

Someone tried to start a round of what are you grateful for that fell a little flat. I made an acknowledgement of the Kalapuya people who lived on the land long before any of our ancestors had inhabited it...which was received well but certainly not elaborated upon. And the conversation did turn to politics but everyone was careful to find agreement vs conflict (which wasn't hard since we were all had generally the same perspective anyway).

But I'm still grateful for the experience. It was a lovely gathering - even if slightly fraught within my mind. I'm actually thankful for the fraughtness in fact. Considering all these elements helps to keep me more balanced. It is what has me, even long before the holiday, exploring about reparations and learning about what that means and how it might be pertinent in my life. The clamor of voices helps to keep me awake to the needs of people who live in my community but aren’t always able to advocate fully for themselves. It leads me to donate to my local neighbors through food banks and other services for those who are houseless, jobless, and struggling to make ends meet.

And while I completely agree that we need to educate ourselves and not continue to perpetuate the false narrative about the beginnings of this nation, and we need to acknowledge all the suffering in the world and DO something about it, the yelling and shaming can be a little much. I think it is helpful to create some unease - making change isn’t comfortable. But the shaming is more likely to send people into resistance. I am curious, how we can help people learn and grow, to do things in a new way, to repair damages from the past, AND celebrate what is good and supports us making life on Earth what we want now.

I think it is a positive thing that those who can stop once a year and take some time to gather and express their gratefulness. It does the heart good to connect and appreciate one another. It even does some good for us to feel obligated to see family and people we don’t always agree with and to navigate the situation of trying to get along.

Bashing Thanksgiving isn't going to help change anything. But talking about real stuff will. And I would love to encourage all of us to seek out places during this holiday season, that began with Thanksgiving, to meet and share and stretch ourselves beyond the bounds of what these gatherings have been in the past.

My wish for all of us is to be better able to hold the paradox of how things were in the past and the vision of how we want them to be. And for us to keep doing the hard work of re-creating the world that truly has space for all of us. I think that will be a lot easier if we give ourselves a little grace and keep feeling grateful for what we have.

With love,