This Is Me

Did you ever see The Greatest Showman?

There's the famous scene where Lettie Lutz (played by Keala Settle) steps up in front of the crowd and, with with a shaking voice, begins to sing.

Audience members look around uncomfortably as all the freaks and weirdos line up behind her.

Then you see them slowly get drawn in and, by the end. she brings the house down.

This Is Me!

It brings tears to my eyes every time.

Maybe it's because I can relate to feeling like I couldn't really be who I am.

I spent a lot of time in my early years trying hard to conform.  

I certainly didn't want to stand out.

I was pretty good at just being what everyone else thought I should be.

And that looked pretty successful.

A straight A student. An athlete. An active member of a whole lot of clubs and activities. A leader in many situations.

But I was pretty unhappy inside.

All through college I kept it up though.

Quiet, I kept my head down and did what I was supposed to do.

Mostly.

During OT school I took a work-study job that everyone thought was a little strange.

I discovered that I loved working with people with schizophrenia.

I thrived there, at the state psychiatric hospital. And that experience drew me to choose a career in mental health.

I was great at talking to, and empathizing with, the patients. Many had experiences that I had never had - and many, I had a lot in common with.

I think it was the beginning, for me, of really having an appreciation for all the flavors of humanity there are.

And how much I could enjoy and appreciate another person for what they had to offer, even when they're external behaviors weren't necessarily considered "appropriate".

Fast forward and, after many years of working in inpatient psychiatry, I quit healthcare - I just didn't fit in with the way the organizations I had worked for ran their operations.

And I was no longer willing to just put my head down.

I started speaking out.

But when it felt like I was just banging my head against a brick wall, I made the very difficult choice to let go of so much of what had been my identity - as well as a whole lot of security.

Fast forward again and I was teaching yoga and running a yoga studio - completely foreign to my family who had always thought yoga was some weird hippie shit.

But I was thriving!

And able to support other humans - especially women - to forge a new path for themselves too.

I've seen, in all my years of teaching, over and over, how practicing yoga can be a portal into questioning - and those questions, like windows into new possibilities, allow people to drop some of the baggage they've carried and discover things about about what they want and who they are.

This leads to feeling stronger and more confident. And to being more comfortable in their own skin. Unafraid to be themselves. So much more real.

Recently a student of mine told me that when she first met me she thought I was "the weirdest person (she) had ever met"!

She followed that by saying, "and I knew that I had to work with you."

That's what happens when you are authentically you.

Tell me something weird about you in the comments. I'll respond and tell you something weird about me!

(And be sure to read the PS below - I have an opportunity for you to learn how to love your weird - or whatever else about you that needs loving!)

PS....In my next HeartBeats LIVE! we're going to talk about love - self love! It may seem like some kind of flaky, frivolous, Facebook meme like topic...but, really it's not. It's one that is so important. We'll dive in and look at what I think are 3 key ingredients for the best in self-care. No positive self-talk or affirmations here...I'm talking real stuff - maybe even kind of weird stuff that you haven't thought of before.

Sign up here for the free, virtual event on Thursday, February 16th, 12 - 1 pm PST. I'll send a recording for those who can't make it live.